Here are my responses to an interview game being passed along through Xanga blogs like a fungal infection…

I requested and received this interview from Ellhyam. Read below for the rules, and if you’d like to participate, let me know.

1 — Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2 — I will respond; I’ll ask you five questions.
3 — You’ll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers.
4 — You’ll include this explanation.
5 — You’ll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.

Ellhyam’s five questions and my responses…

#1 - What is your favourite kind of spider to be afraid of and why?

I’d like to say I’m not afraid of spiders, but technically that would be untrue. I mean, no one likes being bit, even by non-lethal spiders. Fortunately, I haven’t been spider-bit in many years, despite all the spiders living behind and under my furniture. I’m not a slob, I just don’t want to disturb them. They might decide to take up residence in my blankets or something.

Anyway, I’d have to say the spider I am most afaid of is the Brown Recluse. That’s mostly because they like to hide and you won’t know they’re there until you ARE bit. Fortunately, I live in the Northeast and so far as I know, they don’t hang out around here.

#2 – how would you feel about threesome three you’s?

Er… I guess I’d be a little creeped out? That’d be like incest or something.

#3 - would you rather die from eating too much pudding, or drowning in pudding, and why?

Well, if you were drowning in pudding, wouldn’t you try to eat some in an attempt to save yourself? Of course, if I found cat hair in it, I’d be really grossed out and I’d try not to eat any. hehe

I don’t think I’d want to drown in it per se. I almost drowned in water once. It would be infinitely worse drowning in a thick substance the consistancy of mucus. I know, I know… I’ve just ruined pudding for everyone. heh

#4 – who would win in a fight, t-sirts or white shoes?

Um, would these be white t-shirts too? Because I think sneakers would win out over white t-shirts based on unwashable scuff-marks alone. If the t-shirt was black however, no amount of scuffing would destroy their pristine darkness. However, even if the t-shirt lost the fight, it could win the war by entering the witness protection program and choosing to accept plastic surgery or a good dye job.

On the other hand, sneakers with the weight of feet behind them, might win out over any color t-shirt by causing irrepairable rips and tears. Then the t-shirt would have to receive phsyical therapy and eventual return to life as a dust rag or in an extreme case, as an “organ donor” for other torn clothes or even face reincarnation as a quilt.

#5 – what is the most priceless thing you would bet on the t-shirt/white shoe fight?

Hmmm, my first born child?

heh, since I don’t intend to breed, it’s a win-win.

I had another spider dream last night. Two actually. What’s that? Like the third one in a month now?

I was back at our old house and my mother needed something from the basement. So I went down, but there were so many spiders in their webs that you couldn’t move without knocking some down. Someone was ahead of me through the webs, but I couldn’t say who it was or how they got through. And someone was behind, standing at the foot of the stairs. All throughout the dream I could hear my mother begging me to get whatever it was she needed, but I didn’t want to go through the webs and knock the spiders down.

That dream ended with me halfway through the basement, covered in webs and spiders, and crying on the floor, anime style (you know, streaming rivers down my cheeks). None of the spiders bit me because they knew I wasn’t trying to hurt them, but it was still creepy being covered in webs and spiders. I woke up with an aching jaw. I think I was gritting my teeth in my sleep. 

I fell back to sleep for about an hour. The second dream also took place at our old house, but we were outside on a gravel road which never existed at the real place. My grandmother was going to drive us somewhere (which alone is cause enough to call this a nightmare). I had to walk around the car to get in and saw the front of the car was covered in thick webs.

There were spiders throughout the webbing, but I wasn’t worried so much for them than I was for this quarter-sized, brown and gray jumping-spider on the ground. It kept getting in front of me, and I was afraid I would step on it, so I was talking to it and telling it to be careful because I didn’t want to hurt it.

The jumping spider disappeared for a second and I figured it had gotten the hint. Then I felt a sharp tap to the palm of my hand like someone had hit me with a stone, and the spider was in my hand. He didn’t bite me, just jumped really hard. I raised my hand to my eyes and looked at him, and he looked at me, before he hopped off and the dream ended.

Maybe the spider was stunned by the force of jumping into my hand. I had a bumblebee fly into me once and it felt like that. It wobbled around for a few minutes before getting up and flying off.

According to Ted Andrews _Animal_Speak_, the spider is a symbol of creativity and a harbinger of fate. Interestingly enough, the spider is guardian of language and letters and Andrews states that spider is probably the totem of many writers. I would not be surprised if spider had adopted me. My house is full of them, and I only take the larger ones outside (unless they get a little too aggressive when I try). I hardly ever kill a spider. I haven’t had to kill a spider in over a year, even though there are at least three or four living behind my stereo. They must know good music when they hear it. heh

Well, that would raise my number of animal spirit guides to three now- spider, raven, and snake. Two predators and a scavenger. Not bad for a vegetarian. lol

I was thinking last night about thin people who seem to eat pounds of food in one sitting and never gain an inch and of over-weight people who eat very little and never seem to lose any weight at all.

Then my mind jumped to theories of alternate dimensions. Most fiction deals with good and evil dimensions. Like all our evil twins live in one, or if you’re evil here, your good twin lives there. heh Well, sure all those evil people need someone to be evil to after all.

But have you ever said or heard said of someone stuffing their face, “Where do you put it all… a hollow leg?”

So I thought to myself, if thin people can eat mountains of food without gain and obese folks can practically starve themselves and never lose, do you suppose that in some dimension all the excess food thin people eat is going to their twin and making them fat and vice versa.

Maybe it has nothing to do with high or low metabolisms and everything to do with alternate dimension theories.

Darn I hate my evil thin twin in whatever dimension she lives.

**

And in some dimension, I am the

You are Form 3, Unicorn: The Innocent. “And The Unicorn knew she wasn’t meant to
go into the Dark Wood. Disregarding the advice
given to her by the spirits, Unicorn went
inside and bled silver blood.. For her
misdeed, the world knew evil.” Some examples of the Unicorn Form are Eve
(Christian) and Pandora (Greek). The Unicorn is associated with the concept of
innocence, the number 3, and the element of
water. Her sign is the twilight sun. As a member of Form 3, you are a curious
individual. You are drawn to new things and
become fascinated with ideas you’ve never come
in contact with before. Some people may say
you are too nosey, but it’s only because you
like getting to the bottom of things and
solving them. Unicorns are the best friends to
have because they are inquisitive.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ironically, I collected unicorns throughout my childhood. My favorite number is three.

And in some alternate universe I really must be Empress Candace, Goddess-Queen of all that I survey. You know, just because.

Well, I’m still alive so the slug didn’t crawl out of the garbage and get me, but you know, they’re really slow, so it may take a couple of weeks for it to make it up from the garbage to my room. Because obviously you’ve heard the joke…

One day a man was sitting on his sofa at home when he heard a knock at the door. He got up to see who it was but when he opened the door no one was there. Just as he was about to sit down he heard the knock again but when he got there again, there was no one at the door. He scratched his head, looked around for a second and looked down to see a tiny snail on the porch. He picked up the snail, threw it into a field across the street and headed back inside to watch television again.

Ten Years Later: The same man is sitting on his sofa watching TV and hears a knock at the door. He gets up and goes to see who’s there and there is no one. He looks around for a second and just as he is about to close the door, he looks down and sees the snail who looks back up and says, “What the Hell was that all about!!?”

*******

I had a very tiny dream last night. At most it was odd, not really scary. There was a ghost attacking people. It would wrap itself around a person’s neck and give them head butts. Must have been a deceased pro-wrestler.

Maybe the dream would have gone on, but my mother’s b-friend had to wake me up with his horrible guitar playing at 7:30 this morning. He told us yesterday he wouldn’t start this nonsense till around 11:00. He imagines himself to be a budding rockstar. Yeeahh, riiiight.

I really wish I had the money to move out of here. I can’t stand him. He’s such a jerk. A couple months ago, I had to complain to my mom because he was walking around with his penis hanging out of his pants. Not once, but on a couple occassions.

He’s a very touchy-feely guy too. While I am someone who does not like to be touched without permission. So what is he likely to do if he really wants to annoy me… wrestle. He’s a roofer, so he’s a lot stronger. The other night he grabbed me and got me in a head lock, and I could swear he groped me. He’s such an ass. I hate him. I refrain from telling my mother because she really didn’t seem to care about the penis episode, but if he does it again I really will break a chair over him like I threatened after he let me go. Of course he never does this stuff in front of her, and despite the fact that I was calling for her from the kitchen, she never came down.

My mother occassionally remarks that he thinks I hate him… well duh! I may be a grown woman so it’s not like he’s doing this stuff to a kid, but he and my mom have been together long enough to be commonlaw so he’s practically my step-dad for all that he’s only a decade or so older than me. He has no idea how much I really loathe him. I wish he would shrivel up and blow away, or at least a certain part of his anatomy.

I swear, men complain about women PMS but their hormones are worse by far. If I had some estrogen, I’d slip it into his food and maybe he’d be a more mellow person. I hate him, hate him, hate him.

Eeewwwie!

Last night I took the last of the lettuce out of the garden. It had managed to reseed itself, but I didn’t think the baby lettuce would survive a bad frost. So I harvested it for salads. The largest was only about the size of my open hand.

Anyway, you’d think that there would be no more slugs in the garden. It’s cold out there, and they’re mostly water. You’d think they’d be little slug-cicles. But there was this humungous slug on one of the lettuces.

There’s just something intrinsically wrong with a species that has it’s tongue on its belly and then crawls around on it. So I threw the whole thing in the garbage. But this morning all I can think of is the slug in the garbage crawling out for some slimey revenge.

You know, I like squid and octopods. I can even handle snails, which are just slugs with shells. I can’t figure out why I think slugs are so gross. Maybe it’s all the slime.

My, my, aren’t I chatty today… Do you suppose I’m trying to prove my personality disorder quiz wrong? But that would be madness, MADNESS I TELL YOU! uh huh…

Do you like the new picture to the left? I was getting sick of the old, off-kilter aura-photo of me and decided to put up a picture I drew for a friend instead. It’s based on her screen-name. It’s a toss up whether she’ll receive it first or see it here.

Hey, here’s some news…

     Apparently I’m a …

This really comes as no surprise to me. I knew it along. Mmhmm

In fact, my family always thought I’d grow up to be a crazy old hermit in the woods or a nun, and that’s no lie. I’m not sure what the two have in common, but those were what my family thought most likely would become of me.

Being a Pagan however, I do believe the last is pretty much out. Of course, I do tell my friends I’m the only Pagan nun around, as in, none of that. heh I could still be a crazy old hermit though. I’m just not old enough yet. Hopefully I’ll be old enough before all the forests disappear, or I’ll be a homeless old hermit in a parking lot that used to be a wood.

I wouldn’t exactly describe myself as distant or emotionless, but I can be if I don’t know you. Of course, if you happen to know me, you might very well whip out your crucifix on sight. Dunno about the revolver though! lol Got any silver bullets?

Just kidding!

Please, put that gun down!

Um, help? Police? Murder?

:: gurgle gurgle ::

Feel free to discover your own personality disorder.

I had another dream last night. Don’t worry, nothing too horribly scary or scarring. heh

I remembered most of it this morning, but then made the mistake of reading Shadows over Baker Street before coming online, so of course I only remember the part with the giant squid. lol

For some reason my brother (not my real brother but some dream brother) employed a giant sentient alien squid in the kitchen. I’m not sure why, but that’s where it worked. Maybe it was a really good chef because of all the arms. Just no calamari orders or you’ll ink in your eye! hehehe

Anyway, for some reason it was angry at my brother and was throwing kitchen utensils around and whatnot.

Oh, I lied. I remember the rest of the dream now and it was horribly scary! So very sorry to lead you into a false sense of security.

Have you ever seen one of those horrible “camp” B-movies where bugs get dosed with radiation or toxic waste and get mutated and ravenous for human blood? Such flops as Skeeter and Ticks spring to mind -though Ticks had the saving grace of Seth Green (Seth Green… le sigh!).

Anyway, the other part of the dream, which seemed to have nothing to do with the first part, as dreams often don’t, featured swarms of angry gnats that attacked campers in the woods and left nought but blood stained ground and bones behind.

So you’d just be walking along in the woods and run into a swarm of gnats. You’d think, oh great, dang gnats are going to fly up my nose and in my eyes, and darned if I won’t get some kamikazi gnats down my throat. Then you feel a little nip, and another. Great stingning gnats. You’d swat a few and walk on.

How many nips do you think it would be before you’d start to worry? Because you know, gnat mouths are tiny and it’s going to be at least a few seconds before you start to realize these aren’t your everyday run of the mill gnats out for a little tease-the-human on a hot summer’s day. These are blood thirsty gnats with something to prove and nothing to lose man!

heh, sorry, got carried away.

Anyway, in one part I was trying to hide under a thin sheet and pin down all the edges so they couldn’t get under. And you’d think that if these gnats can devour a living person in a matter of a few minutes, a thin sheet’s going to be short work for them, but, well, it made sense in the dream, and they didn’t get me.

And then I was in a hoity-toity upscale apartment with a hi-tech ventilation system. The gnats were trying to get in, so they had to turn off the ventilation, but then everyone was suffocating because no air could get in either. And for some reason I had a big wooden board, like I was going to play microscopic baseball with the starving gnats that got in. Riiiiiiiiiight….

I hate gnats. Evil little buggers.

I woke up with a horrible crick in my neck. It still hurts to rotate it fully. I must have really fought those gnats hard! lol

Good thing I have off from work today.

Hey all, for those surfing in from my webcomic, you’ll probably have noticed it hasn’t updated today, and it’s been updating late the past few SUndays. Well, considering I’m putting in about twenty hours of my work week every weekend, doing the comic for Sunday has become something of an impossibility.

I would have put this note directly on the comic page, but keenspace no longer has an auto-update button (that I can find) so you still would not have been notified till tomorrow.

In any event, I’ve decided to move Arkana’s update day to Tuesday. Free Range Poetry will stay on Thursday.

I…. am so…. tired. :: sob ::

Holidays at the Mall are Hell.

Have you heard of the WWYS? This is just about the funniest thing I’ve seen online yet. I wonder if people actually try to sell them their souls.

I got a free quote on how much my soul is worth… surprisingly, only 18% of the world is more pure than me. My soul is worth about £40531, which is $67,660.42. Imagine that. My soul’s worth quite a lot more than I thought. heh

Of course, in all likelihood, my soul will only depreciate in value. Given the various tempations in the world today. On the other hand, the “test” is obviously quite biased and simple if you give any thought to the questions and their small number.

The test assumes that the soul is only worth something to Christians, as one of the first questions is whether you are in fact a Christian and whether you have been baptised. No- on one and yes- on two, BTW. It’s not like I could have said as a baby to my mom and overzealous grandma… NO NO! I am a Pagan, do not baptise me! I’m sure it all came out as wah! Wah! lol

Not that any of my gods would be likely to go around buying up souls like the Christian demons are famous for doing. I can’t recall one story where a Pagan deity bartered for someone’s soul, so I guess in this soul-o-meter type quote, my soul really would only have value in a Christian set-up. I guess that explains the whole conversion directive in most Christian sects. They’re not doing it for you, they’re actually getting credit on the value of your soul. I wonder if they get a bigger house in Heaven, the more people they get to convert.

I’ll stop here before I really get into trouble and someone starts a cyber-hate-mail campaign against me. heh