September 28, 2008
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I’m just a shadow to my mother
Well, the “open house” in kids on Saturday was horrific. We were way understaffed for the number of freeloaders, I mean families, that showed up. Of course, the plus side to this is that my manager has sworn that we will have sufficient staff for the Halloween party. This is especially important since I haven’t had one volunteer, not to help me with setting up or making the games or running the event. Nothing. So many people say they love Halloween, but what they mean is… “you do all the work, I’ll be happy to enjoy it after the fact.”
In other news, twelve days until my vacation starts; eight days till my business class starts. I don’t remember if I’ve brought this up since I’m generally exhausted enough to forget when and what I’ve eaten, let alone what I’ve blogged about. lol But when I decided, once and for all, that I would take these business classes and try to open my own store, my mother was all for it. She said she and her boyfriend (now husband) were getting older, and they didn’t want to continue in the same jobs they have (my mother cleans for people and he is now a trucker, formerly a roofer). They’d be overjoyed to give me a hand in the store, blah blah blah. Then the other day we were discussing the store, and she basically took it all back and said I was wrong, she never said that, blah blah blah. When I stopped talking to her since she insisted I was wrong and she said she never promised to help me out, she got upset with me because I “always do that.” “That” being clam up when she has one of her little memory lapses. She said I don’t “communicate.” Then a few days ago she’s talking to me about working in the store again like the other conversation never happened, and she got upset when I didn’t want to talk to her about it and told her we had this discussion and I was NOT going to talk to her about it again. My mother is 51 and I honestly don’t know if she’s schizophrenic or getting senile, but I am so tired of her changing her mind every time we’re discussing something important to me. I told her that I would just do it all on my own like I always do. I told her I might even decide to move out of state, maybe Maine. Then she wanted to know how she could help if I did that since she won’t move out of the area until her mother (my grandma) dies. And , “Did I wish her mother dead?!?”
And you know what, I’m just sick of it. I’m not going to ask her for help any more. I’m not even going to assume she’s going to help. I’m not going to discuss my plans. She can’t even decide if she wants to help me, and I’m not going to deal with it any more. No I don’t want my grandmother dead, but I think on some level my mom does or she wouldn’t have brought it up. I’m frustrated with my job, but that’s small potatoes compared to how frustrating my mother is sometimes. Last time she couldn’t get her stories straight was my birthday when she promised we could go somewhere and then turned around and tried to make plans with my sister and I’m just kind of sick of playing second fiddle to everyone else in her life. I just feel like she thinks I’m always going to bow out gracefully and make way for everyone else and I don’t want to any more. I think I’ve been more than patient in terms of what I put up with from my family. I don’t ask them for a darn thing. I wasn’t asking her for money or time. She frikkin offered! And then she changed her mind or forgot she offered and I just don’t feel like I can depend upon her for anything. She will always turn around and make other plans because I am just not that important to her unless I am right in front of her and then we will make plans until someone else is in front of her and then the plans go out the window.
I may just be overreacting because of everything else going on in my life, but I honestly feel like I am all alone and the only person who’s going to make it happen is me. I can’t even depend upon her for moral support, but you know if I do manage to make money with my own business, or even if I don’t, you know my family’s going to be right there with their hands out. Moving to a different state would almost be a relief, even if being alone is “outside of the my comfort zone” in terms of having people to fall back on if I run into trouble (ie FAIL). I just can’t trust them. You know? I’m tired of waiting for them to treat me like I have some importance in their lives. I’m important too.
Tattoothe webnovel so far…
Chapter 1: Blood is ThickerChapter 1.1 in which Glory is not mindful of the store
Chapter 1.2 in which Glory is made to do something she would really rather not
Chapter 1.3 in which Glory thinks she might be sick
Chapter 1.4 in which Aaron makes a mistake
Chapter 1.5 in which Glory is made to see the error of her ways
Chapter 1.6 in which the circle remains unbrokenChapter 2: A Farewell to ArmsChapter 2.1 in which Aaron makes another mistake
Chapter 2.2 in which Glory reflects on her path
Chapter 2.3 in which we learn Aaron is not really a nice boy
Chapter 2.4 in which Glory speculates on the holiness of salt
Chapter 2.5 in which Glory learns of the necessity for upper body strength, but makes do with what she has
Chapter 2.6 in which Aaron tries to make amends, but is still pretty much an assChapter 3: Small SacrificesChapter 3.1 in which Glory is spat on, twice
Chapter 3.2 in which a cop is threatened
Chapter 3.3 in which someone is crying
Chapter 3.4 in which there’s more to the moon than meets the eye
Chapter 3.5 in which Glory comes face to face with an loony environmentalist
Chapter 3.6 in which Glory gets turned around
Chapter 3.7 in which Glory is threatened
Chapter 4: The Shape of Things to ComeChapter 4.1 in which a doctor makes his rounds
Chapter 4.2 in which Glory is asked some awkward questions
Chapter 4.3 in which Glory adopts a pet
Comments (6)
Parents can be so complicated at times. It’s probably good thinking to just go on with your plans, then fill your mom in as they come to fruition if you chose to do so. It’s your life. Live it Dream it. Act on it. You’ll make it happen and your mom will or won’t be in the picture with you. My mom has said she’d help then forgot many times, but then came through at the most surprising times. Hopefully I won’t disappoint my kids too much on this level, but life is what it is and we’re all in our own story.
It’s easy to give advice on this sort of thing, but I agree with Jaynebug. Clearly, your mom has her own issues to work out. You need to do what you need to do to be happy, and if your mom is stopping you from doing that, she needs to get out of your space for a while. I hope the business class goes well! Is it a night course?
i agree, with Jaynebug, Candace…my parents were not involved in my life, from the age of 3, when they divorced, my mom lost the custody battle, and kidnapped us, resulting in us becoming wards of the state… although i was a foster kid, i still went through the same frustrations, with my foster parents…they never understood my need to find my relevance, in a world i clearly had no foothold on, and took no steps to help me make key decisions, about my future…in fact, when i finally thought i’d earned the right to ask why not, after high school graduation, i was tossed, like a baby bird, out of the nest …i was again on my own, with no help, or clue what was to happen…but i made my own choices, successes, and losses, by myself, and am still standing, no worse, if not blessed, for the wear…fret not, Candace, life gets better…self-reliance is a good thing, and sooner, or later, becomes inevitable… one last thought, dear heart, make sure the store thing is truly what you want, think it through, and plan well for all possible outcomes…get a mentor, possibly at a shop you like, that mirrors the kind of place you’d like to operate, and pick their brains…they will be more beneficial, in helping you make up your mind…if it is still an attractive idea, go for it…like my pop said, when we were reunited, 26 years later, “you’re never too old, to have a happy childhood…now, go get yours”…i hope your mom comes around to your point of view, one day…p.s., Maine might not be the best place to open a store this week, with a hurricane barreling down on it…lol, after a quick prayer for the folks in the path…peace, animal
I just realized I never said Happy Birthday to you!
I hope your get what you need from the business classes .. and if you really need a getaway to clear your head while taking vacation from work, my couch is free.. haha
What can be said except ~ MOTHERS!! Mine does that too, and completely blows up when I tell her about it. They should be flogged
Maybe moving away would be good for the both of you. You would get time to be on your own and have a change to be successful completely independent of your mom, and your mom would hopefully realize how much she’s taken you for granted and hopefully try to remedy that.