October 3, 2008

• Thanks to everyone

  Thanks to everyone who was concerned about my mom. She’s home now after about a week of the doctors basically ruling everything out in order to assume it was the one generic thing that you can’t really check for. Basically, after copious tests and groups of doctors wandering by to ogle her charts and tell her nothing, they finally decided she had gastroenteritis, which is inflammation of the stomach lining. It can be caused by a food allergy, food poisoning, a virus, alcoholism or drug use, or some unknown reason. Basically, the doctors don’t know what causes it or caused it in this case. They told her to take prylosec (SP?) for the rest of her life and sent her home with a parting shot of morphine.
  
  If my mother had not had insurance, I’m sure she would have been home within a day or so with this diagnosis. Instead, they kept her for observation and annoying tests. Granted the nurses were all very nice to her, but the doctors were mainly indifferent if not downright apathetic. I really do not like hospitals. I don’t think they know any more than most well read people. In fact, sometimes for all their tests, they know less. The only thing a hospital can give you are tests and prescription drugs. That’s the only thing you can’t do for yourself. And for that, they demand thousand. Quite the racket they have.
  
  My mom is a big baby. I’m not poopooing her illness, but you can tell, when you spend enough time with her, how she acts with different people. Earlier today I caught her scarfing salt and vinegar chips, so you know she’s feeling better. I asked her if she’s feeling better and she says “a little.” About an hour later, someone calls on the phone and she was talking with this weak, slurry voice to who ever it was. It annoys me so much. I mean, she may still feel a little sick, but not as sick as all that apparently. I hate people who play a baby when they’re sick for more sympathy. If you’re sick, I’ll take care of you, but don’t play it up. If you’re just a little sick, I’ll still take care of you. Don’t act like a big fakey baby, mom.
  
  What annoys me more is that I had a total freak out at work because of her. The day she went to the hospital, she told me she might be in the hospital when I got home. My sister is the drama queen, but she gets it from my mom. In our own ways, we both take after her. My sister gets the drama in general and applies it to every aspect of her life, but my mom is more of a moody melodrama queen. She doesn’t say much… it’s her tone and her body language. Her voice gets all low and mopey, slurry and weak. She groans and sighs as she moves. I get that from her. If I’m thoroughly peeved, there’s no mistaking it. I don’t say anything, but you can tell.
  
  But the day she got sick, I went into work and about five minutes before we opened, my sister called the store from the hospital and told me my mom was there, and they were doing tests, etc etc. I had one hour of supervisor time before my break and being such short notice, I decided to wait for my break before asking to leave. But then I had all this work to do for this week’s merch change outs and NO ONE was around to help me because of corporate’s new policy of cutting the heck out of our weekly hours. I had to do a bunch of stuff just to get ready to open and then I had to do a bunch of stuff that absolutely had to be done which I could have given to anyone if there’d been someone to give it to. I had already been feeling migrainous (I know that’s not a word but it should be) for two days with an upset stomach and wandering headaches and tension between my eyes). Also take into account that the day before, I dropped a ton of DK books on my back and arm (DK makes these HUGE picture books and they were going on sale), and I was in a completely “I will rip your frikkin’ head off and use it as a football” mood.
  
  So when the general manager came in, and the Inventory Manager (who I had opened with) and she were on the stock room, I went back and intended to tell them what was going on, but I ended up completely freaking out. She had sent around an email about how tight the kids section was and that she could not fit books in there the night before. I’d gone back first thing that morning and because no one else had decided to do anything about (which meant another email would have been forthcoming), I shifted the entire section to give her more room where she said she needed it. When I told her I shifted to give her room, she said in this confrontational voice that there was No Room there and she didn’t know Where I got it since she Knows how to shift. It was all I could do not to scream at her, but in my state of mind, it was entirely the wrong thing to do to challenge my competency. I am darn good at my job. If I say there’s room, there’s room. Don’t tell me you did it and you know how to do it and there’s no room because you did it yourself the previous night. No, I’m not a liar and if I tell you something, you can bet on it that there’s three frikkin’ empty shelves now in the section you told us was tight.
  
  Halfway to tears, I ticked off my problems on my fingers. I said, I’m still sick from two days ago with this stupid migraine that never comes. My back and arm hurts from where I dropped those stupid books on it (which BTW, no one cared about at the time, no one wrote up a report for, and the other manager, who was not there, heard me crying about and asked if I’d “hurt my pride” /grits teeth/). No one filled in the manager log again, and it’s not fair that it is always left for me when I open in the morning. I said my mother is in the hospital and I NEED TO LEAVE” but I said through tears, that I would finish what I was working on because there was NO ONE to help me.
  
  They wanted to let me go right away, but I insisted on finishing this huge project that I had started. Honestly, I needed the time to calm down before driving and to take my mind off my mom. Staying active was my only tactic. I probably scared quite a few customers who asked for help. I helped them, yes, but they probably thought I hated them. But this project, it absolutely had to get done and I knew it wouldn’t if I left.
  
  I did apologize to them the following day for freaking out and crying all over the place because honestly, I was deeply embarrassed by my loss of control. But on the other hand, I think I needed a good cry in general with all that’s been going on and frustrations at work and at home. I haven’t sat down with my general manager yet and laid it all out on the table, but I want to. The problem is, she never does anything about anything that I tell her. Her attitude is that she is a “shoulder to cry on” but does that actually get anything done? Not usually. I know in most ways, she’s as helpless as the rest of us because of the asinine things Borders is doing with payroll and our current crop of cafe loafers, but I also feel left out in the cold with regards to the help I can expect from my coworkers. In the mornings, it seems like if I open with the Inventory Manager, he scarfs up anyone who’s free for his projects and then I end up doing everything for merchandising all on my own. I don’t typically complain because I’m a “suck it up and get it done” kind of girl, but on top of everything else, I’m just sick of not getting help when I need it (as rare as that may be).
  
  Anyway…. that’s what happened. My mom’s home now and apparently feeling good enough to scarf salt and vinegar chips, take out the trash, and clean up her car. No wonder her stomach was sick when she eats all kind of garbage and passes up any food I offer to make for her. She has a tastycake every night before she goes to bed. She has coffee for “breakfast.” If I did not watch her, she’d only have cakes and sweats for her meals. I swear, it’s like taking care of a child and it’s always been this way. There’s a reason she used to call me “grandma” and ask me if I needed a rocker when I was still a kid… because I was always the responsible one and she was always the big child. The only good thing to come out of this is that her stay in the hospital was a good start to going cold turkey on smoking. Of course, within a few hours of her coming home she asked when I was going to take her out to eat as her reward (which I promised her if she ever quit). Mom, you are so not sick, not sick at all….
  
  This is the reason I rarely let my family know how I’m feeling. No matter how ill I feel with my migrainous tension or my aching back and arm, she trumps me and is not even really sick aside from what she tells me. Her actions kind of negate her words. I feel like a jerk for thinking that BTW, but it’s true. She doesn’t act sick, unless she wants someone to think she’s sick, like when she’s talking to someone on the phone. I’m not unsympathetic, but in the same breath, I feel sick too (my back is a total knot), but I’d make her food and I’d take care of her if she needed it.

  • 12:13 pm
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