July 20, 2009
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I just want some stability
It seems every time I’ve tried to post in the last three days, my connection has conked out. Has anyone else been having internet issues lately? Sunspots or something?? I don’t know.
I am truly tired of work. I mean, I don’t mind working, but I’m tired of my present job. I just want it to end. Every week it’s something new…. which I can’t go into here or lose my job. It’s a Catch-22 thing. Damned if I do, and damned if I don’t. I can at least write in a public post that I am unhappy. No names, no specifics, just not… happy.
My sister works in a halfway house for people with psychological/emotional problems, and I’m going with her on Thursday to check it out, see if it’s something I could do. Because I have no experience in “in house care,” they’d want to test me out for a month, but potentially I would have a supervisory position afterward. This is based on my college degree and my supervisory experience. One way or another, I’d have to leave my current job to see if this other job would be tenable. If I or they decided I was not suitable, that would leave me high and dry without work. Is leaving my current job for a trial job worth it? I aim to find out on Thursday. I may be giving my two week’s notice on Friday.
According to my sister, they are desperate for help. I probably can’t go into detail, not knowing what their policy on the subject is, but apparently the state does spot checks and certain night shift employees currently working there did something very naughty and irresponsible. If I did get the job, it would be third shift, which I have no problem with. I would actually prefer this, being a night owl and all. Plus apparently night shift gets paid more. Whooo! More pay, I can deal with. My sister was not specific about pay, but she seemed to think that I’d be making a lot more than I make now (and sadly, it took five years to work my way up to what I am currently paid).
One way or another, I just can’t stay where I am. I don’t think I can do retail at all any more. I am completely burned out in regards to retail. I definitely can’t still be working retail come the holidays. I’ll go completely bonkers. After my car accident in December, I am still completely paranoid about driving anywhere near the malls, but especially during the holidays. The stress of it all isn’t good for me. It’s not even that I’m afraid of being hurt, it’s more concern over finances and the hassle of dealing with insurance companies. I don’t like hassles. I like things simple. I like to know what’s what and have some stability. I like to know that my expectations are realistic. My current job may not be going anywhere any time soon, but it’s hardly stable. Every week, it’s something new. Every week it’s the stress of changing everything and not having what they tell me I should have and therefore being unable to do what they tell me I should do. I don’t want quotas and big brother tactics. I don’t want names on lists. I don’t want to be compared to other people in other stores who seem to be better than us even though the don’t make their quotas either.I want a nice job where I deal with maybe two dozen people in a day (instead of hundreds) and where change occurs slowly and with warning. I want to be able to ease into changes. I suppose in that respect I am somewhat like the residents where my sister works. I don’t like change. I want to know what I am doing at all times and not have to worry someone is going to pull the rug out from under me and change the rules without a moment’s notice. I want to know my job and be respected for doing my job and not belittled for all the new things they add or change at a moments notice on a weekly basis. I don’t want to be treated like I am stupid or insufficient. I’ve told my boss many times that I can’t do this any more. So far as I’m concerned, when I finally do give notice, it should be the least surprising occurrence in our average work week.
I sincerely think I may have post traumatic stress syndrome. There are days when I practically have a panic attack going out the door. Just the thought of going to work gives me a migraine some days. I feel sorry for everyone who works with me because I know what I’ll be leaving them with when I finally do find someplace else to be. I am damn good at my job, if I do say so myself (and since no one else in a higher capacity will). Everyone at work is wound so tight, it’s a wonder no one’s snapped yet. Maybe when I finally find some where else to be, I’ll go into more detail… since I will then not have the potential loss of my only paycheck looming like an anvil over my head.
My job just fills me with so much loathing any more, it’s not even funny. And it’s not even the customers or my coworkers, it’s the policies… the economic environment of my workplace, the crushing dogma of the common dollar and what the company, any company, thinks the public wants.
I am not a number, corporate America. I am a human being. We are all people, and you’re like the sludge monster from a Godzilla movie. Make of that what you will.
July 20th
no holiday entries for the 20th
Comments (10)
I’ve had a couple of minutes where it would tell me there was no connection, even though all signs showed I did have one. Friends have been complaining though. Maybe because there’s a solar eclipse today?
I say try out the new job. I think you would be good at it and it sounds like you really need to get away from the current job!
i understand your feelings for your current job. i too feel like just a number some days. espeically with the looks i have been given before.
Well, I am very excited for you to be trying a new job! I don’t know how can even go to work on a daily basis, all things considered. I would have quit a long time ago. I’m a bit worried that working with psychological and emotional issues might be just as stressful for you, being an empath and everything, but who knows. It might just help you relate to them.
If you want a job where things are slow to change, go into academics!
@heidenkind - We’ll see what happens on Thursday. I’m a little leery of it too for the same reasons, but dealing with two dozen off kilter people whose problems I’ll have time to get used to as opposed to a hundred or so a day whose quirks will always be different…. I think I can probably handle the two dozen better. And yeah, though it’s sometimes a liability, the empathy may actually help.
@NightlyDreams - I really think you should be looking for a better job too. They definitely don’t treat you right. And Walmart is just evil, so there’s that. lol
@TheCheshireGrins - yeah, thanks. I’m afraid if I don’t find something else soon, I’ll end up in a place like the one at which I’m going to try to get the job.
@harmony0stars - i don’t really think walmart is evil. i just think they manage to do things better as far as work and taking over the world is involved
it’s just anytime a company gets really big they will eventually put other companies out of business. of corse i think they are going to put themselves out of business if they keep hiring idiots (be that up high in the company or down low which i have to work with lol) i really don’t see myself as having any type of talent or skill than any place would want.
@NightlyDreams - See, I don’t agree with that… that you have no skills or talents that any place would want. I know you like to read, so already you know what you like and could recommend books to people. Bookstores need buyers. That’s a marketable skill. Also, you’re a very honest person. I know that’s not a skill most retailers select for, but they should. I hate being forced to lie about a product to customers. If I ran a store, I’d demand absolute honesty from employees in regards the product. I think honesty is more valuable than a glib tongue. Customers will believe the word of someone they trust. They’ll blow off someone who lies to them time and time again.
@harmony0stars - yes i’m so honest i steer people away from buying certain tvs and then they leave the store
not too great for keeping my job lol but if people weren’t so cheap sometimes they would afford and buy the quality products that won’t break in say 9 months 1 day after the warranty goes out they would have something they could keep for longer. stuff just doesn’t hold up in some cases and no one beleives me and they go somewhere else lol
@NightlyDreams - Nothing wrong with steering them away from a bad product and towards a better one. If they don’t want to take your advice, that’s their problem.
I haven’t had problems with my internet but I have had problems with my puter.
I worked in an in-house care place for people with alzheimers… well it was suppose to be only for people with alzheimers but there were very few compared to the rest. It was so heartbreaking for me. I worry about you being an empath. There were times when I got home I would just sit down and cry. Please be careful with the PTSS… it can be real bad on a person. Take care you.