Today was really rough at work. It was all I could do not to scream at my boss and walk out. I get so sick of her self indulgent, oh-poor-pity-me whining tirades. She just goes on and on, restating her complaints in different ways as if that will make me feel sorry for her. I had to raise my voice to cut through her yapping. I don’t even remember what she was whining about this time… something about being the only person who is doing their share and then some. Riiiiight. Let me tell you, I sit down less than any of the other supervisors or managers. I am always moving. I don’t have time to goof off or sit in front of my computer (Yeah, read on to find out about *MY* computer). There’s no payroll for anyone not to be doing their job and anything else and everything else that crops up.
And when my boss starts saying things like, “we need to do this and we need to do that,” what she’s really saying is that *I* need to do this or that. I wish she’d just come out and tell me she wants me to do something instead of rooting through my signs and drawers like a pig in search of a truffle while telling me what “we” need to do. No wonder signs have gone missing lately. The new zone VP wanted everything “clean,” so I cleaned and tucked everything out of sight. But my boss can’t keep her sticky fingers out of my well organized signs, and things wander about like chitinous centipedes when I’m not at work. I designated a spot for anything anyone takes down and still no one uses it. Things are just thrown on my desk without any consideration of the time I spent in cleaning and rearranging things so they would not be messy. My job and my boss are driving me nuts, and it’s really hard to say which of them is doing a finer job of warping my sanity points.
It’s not that I don’t have sympathy for her position, I do! But she’s captain of sinking ship, and I am not one of those who think the captain, or the mates, must all go down together. It’s not her fault the company is now led by a bunch of micromanaging hydro-cephalic imbeciles, but she’s a team player, so she’s either willfully blind to the water lapping at all our feet or she’s determined to risk insanity for the sake of a few more months of pay. I’m not, and I refuse to be dragged down by the greedy rats who’ve gnawed the gaping holes in the hull of our ship in search of bigger profits. Why is solidarity a good thing only when it means you’re towing the line? You know some Borders out west are unionized. If only we were so lucky. If I managed to convince my coworkers to walk, we’d likely be replaced within a week.
Good thing this is the first day of vacation for me, though my manager guilted me into offering to come back a day early just to ensure that the merch for next week gets done on time. Far be it for anyone else to lend a hand, but then, we have no payroll hours, despite the fact that our district VP has taken up residence at our store like a festering hemorrhoid… even insisting that we allocate some portion of the store for remodeling so that he can have his own office. Not a remodel of the whole store, mind you… as they’ve been promising pretty much since I started working there, but simply stealing floor space so he can plant himself in an office where his big mouth will not be heard like the braying of some deranged ape even after he shuts the door. Sure, he tries to make “nice” whenever I have the misfortune of working on a day when he has taken over the manager’s office, but it’s an act… from his Hitler-stache to his pretense at concern over my allergies. He is a posturing fraud… clueless, starry eyed, middle aged, middle management. My instincts say he is another tow-the-line, kiss ass, fawning sycophant like my dear, brown-nosed boss, indifferent to the fact that he’s been contracted to ferry a sinking ship, merely content to draw a paycheck until there are no more and he has to look for another job.
So take my desk! Please! Put up a wall, and steal office space instead of floor space. It’s not like I even have a working computer any more. A monitor on the floor blew, so they came back and stole mine, over a week ago, and it hasn’t been replaced because they are backordered with the company. Never mind that they downsized the number of computers we had almost a year ago. What happened to those monitors, I wonder, after we sent them to corporate for safe keeping. Probably sold off to line the pockets of our corporate louses. Do you know how frustrating it is to try and do my job when I have to fight one or even two other managers/supervisors for access to an office computer?
Oh I know jobs are few and far between in this economy, but when the competition is flouting a 12% profit for the last quarter while we seemingly lost close to 50 mil (not really, we just didn’t preform to the forcasted and hoped for sales goal), I think it’s safe to say that our days are numbered and no band-aids are going to stop this hemorrhaging wound, though our corporate overlords are sure to gather up as much of the seepage as they possibly can to spin it to their best benefit. And they can always sell the victim for spare parts, right?
Oh, but how do I really feel about this situation? Let’s ask my subconscious…
The other night I dreamed that I was trying to get to work, but kept ending up in a park where I used to play when I was a child. After returning the park for the umpteenth time (I lost count of how many times I drove away from the park on my way to work and ended up back at the park), I decided to stay. I found a crystalline crevice near the water fountain and inside was an old witch. I asked her how I could get where I needed to go and she gave me a sewing needle made of crystal with which I had to scratch out a “spell” on the crystal wall. Then I left the park once more and somehow ended up at the sea shore, stepping over craggy, water-broken rocks and through muddy tidal pools that threatened to steal my shoes. Apparently, even in my dreams I don’t want to go to work; if the dangerous sea shore is an analogy for my job, it’s a bloody, life threatening mess at the moment.
Interestingly enough, I recently went to a Holistic Expo and bought some black kyanite which is very needle-like. It is also a stone said to promote clarity in dream work! Hmmm, the plot thickens.
It is quite obvious that I don’t belong at my job any more. I’ve always believed that anything worth doing is worth doing right… and well, I simply don’t care any more. If I can’t even bring myself to care about my job performance, and I’ve always taken pride in how well I do my job, what’s left?
Well, would’ve been five days of vacation, but now it will only be four. Least I have over a week left that I’m taking in October. Wonder what they’ll do about merch while I’m gone then?
Wonder what they’ll do about merch when I’m gone forever…
