May 27, 2004
-
My TV died Tuesday. It made a hissing noise like gas escaping and went dark while I was in the next room. I don’t watch it much (I listen to it more), especially not since they took off Farscape and now Angel. What is there even to watch anymore? Tripping the Rift? I think not. Blah.
But I replaced it anyway. Why? I’m not quite sure. $158 on my credit card. I’ll have the TV paid off in two months the way I usually overpay each month. I usually pay $100 even though my monthly bill is closer to half that. I hate bills. The sooner I can get something paid down and done, the better. I’m looking forward to having my car paid off in three and a half months. That’ll be $200+ extra I can apply elsewhere or save.
As rarely as I use my Visa card, a twenty-five inch TV is not going to break me. At least I’ll be able to watch Adult Swim on Cartoon Network when I’m up with insomnia… which has basically been every night since they diverted traffic to our street for road work. I’m so tired… all the time. Normally I’d just catch up during the day. Normally I sleep better during the day any way, but even my airconditioner can’t drown out the daytime noise… and my airconditioner can drown out my mother’s boyfriend’s awful and excessively loud guitar playing one room down and over from mine. Shows you how loud the traffic has become on my little alley of a road.
At any rate, I waited till my mom came home to go out to get my new TV. I could have gone on my own, but I like her company and I don’t like going to places where there are a lot of people without some kind of emotional buffer. I like to sinc up with a companion, usually my mom, so that the emotions of the people around me don’t knock me about like a tree in the wind. A psychiatrist might call me agoraphobic and possibly delusional, but I don’t care. I’m highly empathic and crowds make me physically ill. Considering I’ve been fighting a migraine for about a week now (complete with ticks, clumsiness, dizzy spells, stuttering, and auras), I need all the buffering I can get. So far, the migraine hasn’t been debilitating though I did nearly passout on a customer the other day. Least work hasn’t been overly busy (and thus not too taxing empathically), though last night was a trial. If people ask my opinion on something, they could at least do me the courtesy of considering what I offer. Dumb people annoy me.
My mother’s been reading a book I bought on Shamanism. I haven’t had a chance to read it yet, but I generally have a stack of books to read and often read two or even three at once (used to be five when I was still in school), so I didn’t mind her borrowing it. Besides I already know a bit about Shamanism like I know a bit of just about everything. S’what comes of being an eclectic. lol
So she was talking about the things she had read in the book. How anyone can learn to see spirits. And then we were talking about Timothy Leary, and that only intelligent people should have access to so-called hallucinigenic drugs as a means to access the spirit world. I said I’d be willing to try a hallucinogen if I had access to a real practicioner of a faith that was familiar with their usage. Otherwise I won’t ever try anything. (I don’t even drink alcohol.) I’m not the sort to experiment on myself or turn my brain to mush, and I’ve read enough about shamanism and the use of hallucinogens to know it’s not always, or even often, visions of rainbows and puppies. If something went odd, I’d want someone there who knew what the heck they were doing.
But in any event, I think I insulted my mom because I won’t just go out and try drugs willy-nilly. How messed up is that? She comes from an era when drug use was recreational. She’s getting a lot more spiritual as she gets older, but she did drugs before and after I and my siblings were born. Heck, she was doing drugs while she was pregnant with all of us. I think she said I was the angeldust baby. Whee, great. Heck, she even dropped acid with my sister when she wanted to try it.
Way to advocate that ‘just say no’ policy mom.
But the thing is, she tries to act as though drug use is OK… so long as you’re intelligent. So what should the IQ cut off point be? Hmmm? Below say, 120, you shouldn’t be allowed to take anything stronger than tylenol without a prescription? But really, do I need hallucinogens when my dreams are more than adequately odd and vivid?
I think my mom has a very skewed point of view. She didn’t get verbally hostile (she rarely does), but I could feel her shut me out as soon as I said I wouldn’t try hallucinogens without a shaman or equivalent. As if I was condemning her teenage recreational usage before and after my birth by declining to use them unless under controled circumstances.
So all in all, my trip to the Walmart for a new TV was very unpleasant with no buffer. My migraine manifested enough to make me completely crabby and irritable, and after getting home and installing the TV to make sure it worked, I took a nap and woke up to a thunderstorm. I tried to get the newsletter done anyway and ended up losing a quarter of it because of the storm, so I had to finished it Wednesday before going in to work. Thank goodness I have off today to catch up on rest!
This week’s newsletter is on the Moon. Check out the Sites of Interest, the article, and even the jokes for lots of Moon related information. If you’re planning a garden this year, the craft will be of special interest to you.
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~* Index *~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Some Sites of Interest
Moon Magick
Keith’s Moon Page
Lunar Magick and Moon Signs
Moon Lore
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
This Pagan Week : May/June
Humor : Moon Message
Article : Luna, the Summerlands
Quote : Vince Lombardi
Craft of the Week : Moon Planting
Humor : The Moon, Mars, and… the sun?
Who’s Who in World Mythology : Bacchus
Quote : William Shakespeare
The Magi’s Garden : Chestnut
Cartoon
Poem : Sometimes
Quote : William Makepeace Thackeray
The Power of Stones : Bronzite
Humor : Why haven’t they put a woman on the moon?
A Dreamer’s Guide : Pan to Paprika
Quote : Jean-Paul Sartre
Previous Newsletters
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Comments (8)
Well I must say I fully inderstand the “emotional buffer” While I wouldn’t say I’m Empathetic I do have a healthy case of social anxiety:Help: anyway Xanax seems to work though It does slow my thinking and kills my ability to play chess. for the most part I don’t enjoy anything that alters my concious state but at times xanax is a necessity ( unless you want to see a 6’4″ 290 lbs person carge through a crowd like a bull.
as to T.V shows both are admidittly cheesey but the only 2 shows I watch on a reg basis are Scrubs and Alias. enjoy your new T.V
hmm shows, Alias, just nice and twisted and fast paced:) I dont think I watch any other “new” show actually…tho I tend to watch reruns of law & order and sg1, but mostly its my dvd’s at home, my familiar fav movies
I can understand the buffer thing, I felt like that once upon a time, I just had to work at it, find ways to shut things out and be ok
i wish you luck in it
i feel the same way you do about ingesting things without a proper guide. Leary warned about that too, from what i’ve gathered. I also think they should be legal for intelligent people, spiritual/scientific/psychoexploratory purposes (but good question about the cutoff I.Q.).
I know I wouldn’t ingest anything powerful without a very knowledgeable, experienced helper. I’ve at times wished i had one anyway, even apart from ‘chemicals.’ b/c there were times when i thought i might be able to ‘go’ somehow, but i’ve been afraid of not being able to get back.
I’ve never Lysergicized, or fungusized, or anything (Mary had such an abnormally potent effect on me anyway), but i’m fascinated by the whole thing. some of Leary’s writings, tapes of a speech given by Richard Alpert, a.k.a. Baba Ram Das (a Harvard colleague of Leary’s), surfing a site about John Lilly, reading some stuff from Terence McKenna – these are almost all the contact i’ve had with such stuff.
But really, i’m even more fascinated by the possibility of the same sights/insights without the use of ‘facilitators.’
If you’re into shamanism, you may also find interesting this book i’m currently reading. Carlos Castaneda, The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge. In the 60′s, while an anthropology grad student at UCLA, Castaneda basically ended up the apprentice of an Indian medicine man. It’s an amazing book so far.
also, i found some interesting articles on deoxy.org.
sorry such a long comment. goodday
Sorry to hear about your migraine. Those things should be outlawed. Nasty nasty things. :Flowers: We got rid of our TV because I didn’t ever watch it and for Elias it was too much of a distraction. However, we do watch DVDs on the pc monitor, so there is always a distraction there when we need one!
hallucinogens….quite an interesting topic….that
Loved your comment..I am still
Ok…I browsed your pages, like em…didnt read any fully til the end…but I am at work. I subscribed, hope you dont mind!
:Cheerleader: On TV set. Though, we are going without until I can pay off the family cable bill. Since ole hubby is still in the bills what are those phase. We are going without hot water too, since he has a past bill of hundreds of dollars that will take a while to pay off. We start counseling on Monday to deal with the issues. Didn’t know that about the drugs and your mum. Sorry about your headaches. I’m getting them more frequently since work as been busier hence more people coming through the airport.
oh man.. ur tv died.. ehhh… less brain damage…
recreational drug use… hmmmm… interesting…..